The Golden Thread: The Ache and the Gift of Choosing Your Life

Hi

Some weeks tug harder on the threads that hold you together.

This week, I received unsettling news about my dad — heart troubles that now await Monday’s pacemaker procedure. In an instant, I felt the full force of my decision to build a life on the other side of the world.

The knowing that you can’t just pop over to your childhood home to sit by your father’s side.

The knowing that your mum and siblings are carrying the weight of the moment, and you can’t be there to help shoulder it.

The knowing that the life you chose — the life you love — came with a cost you continue to pay in moments like this.

The mind does what the mind does: guilt, longing, despair, the looping imaginings of “the other life” you could have had if you'd stayed.

But none of those thoughts strengthen my father’s heartbeat.

So instead, I sit with them. I let them move through. And then I send him what actually travels across oceans — my love, my steadiness, my prayers that his beautiful heart keeps beating strong. (so far so good)

Here’s the thread that surprised me though:

He has never once guilted me for leaving. Instead, he has said:

And after visiting our life in Raleigh:

“I think you made a good decision. You’ve created a beautiful life here.”

That blessing softened a burden I carried for years.

And then, in the same week I felt the ache of being far from home… I was approved for my U.S. citizenship.

When the officer congratulated me, genuinely thrilled by my joy, he mentioned many people take it for granted. But not me. My journey here wasn’t easy. The green card process alone nearly broke me. And yet, here I am — now able to officially call two places my home, two identities fully mine.

It feels like life handed me both sides of the thread in one week:

The cost of leaving
—and—
The gift of belonging twice over.

Maybe that’s the point.

And somehow, the heart finds a way to stretch — achy and grateful — across continents.

Other loves this week:

• Vegemite: I don’t second guess how much of it I eat, as it brings me supreme joy. So much thanks to Craig’s parents for bringing over a stash of joy!

• WRAL interview: We were interviewed on our local news station for being a finalist on the TBEX content creator awards for Best Local Lens.

• Craig’s parents visiting. It’s been fun spending time with them and experiencing some fun Raleigh Christmas events! One more week and then an old friend from Australia (who we met in Raleigh) is coming to visit straight after.

• Insight: “It’s the fear that twists and turns you off the right path of purpose, joy, and awe”